Celebrating International Women's Day

I'm honoring these women by Spring cleaning today. I've worked my butt off as a single mom and in this season of my life I'm able to stay home with my family. I love them, school them, teach them to respect others. I don't need a day off to prove my worth. This is the job I've been blessed with. Many women have to do what I do after working 8, 10, 12 hours a day. I am thankful for this opportunity, thankful God has blessed me so richly, thankful to have a husband who provides for us so that I CAN stay home. I'm blessed to be a woman, to be a mother and wife. I can appreciate what I've been given without trying to prove my worth to others.

Puppy Love

Just got finished reading the saddest dog story ever, my eyes are puffy, nose is runny.  Kids are looking at me like I'm nuts.  I've never realized how much my dog loves me!  When we pick my husband up, I know she'll act like she hasn't seen him in a year, but that's how she feels!  

I know how I feel when my husband gets home, exhausted and exhilarated at the same time - a break!  Let these little ones tell you how their day was while I rest for a minute!  But imagine how your kids feel.  We have had one date in the past year, I was dying for it, loved every minute of it!  What were they thinking while we were gone?  They are adjusted enough that they didn't think we were gone forever, but I'm wondering if I took them seriously enough, did I put enough into their hugs and kisses?  I know it seems insane to compare this story to children, but the repeated line kept getting to me, 

"I will never leave his side."

True love.  Lola got extra loving and may or may not have had some deli ham hand fed her by her sobbing mommy.  Am I loving enough?  Am I showing it? No, I don't need to jump around in circles when my husband comes home, but does he know that I will never leave his side?  Do my kids know it?  Do you know it?

"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."  John 15:13

Think about it for a minute.  More than your mom loves you, more than your kids love you, even more than your dog loves you.  He laid down his life for you.  That means, if Jesus were to suffer and die for just one person, you, he still would have chosen to die.  In spite of all your sins, your times of lack of faith, he would have died just for you.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb."  Psalm 139:13

"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.  You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.  You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.  Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord."  Psalm 139:1-4

What are you going to do with that today?  Accept it.  Live it.

"For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end."  Psalm 48:14 

A Prayer for the Lonely

Dear Lord,

Please put someone in my path today that I can be a blessing to.  Whether it is online, at the grocery store, or first and foremost, my family.  Spirit lead me and give me a servant's heart and help me to show God's love to everyone I come in contact with today.  Be with me and fill me up, remind me that you are with me in everything I do today.  Lord, I read your word that you have given us and it gives me hope that surpasses any worry I could possibly have.  You have not left us alone in this world, but you guide our steps as a father teaching his child to walk.  Make me a light in this broken world, to show your love to others.  In the words of David, "But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.  My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long, though I know not its measure.  I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign Lord; I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone."  Thank you, Lord, for another day, and may I live it to the fullest for you and only you.  In Christ's name, Amen.

For my husband...

Today marks the fourth anniversary of my mother in law's death.  I was pregnant with Isaac so she never got to meet him.  She didn't get to see Aidan and Gavin blossom.  She didn't get to meet my sister in law's baby.  I know my husband and our family has been hurting every day of these four years.  

I didn't appreciate what a treasure she was, I now see how very lucky I was to have her has a mother in law.  I lost my mother in 2007 so I know the thoughts my husband probably has.  Regrets over things gone wrong, arguments, remembering times he hurt her feelings.  I pray that he always remembers the good times, how proud she was of his accomplishments.  How much she loved our children, how she accepted me into the family with open arms when she didn't have to.  I always loved how she was willing so to share the holidays with my family, Christmas Eve, Easter, birthdays.  She was such a proud grandma, showing off the babies when we would visit her at work!  She helped us so much thru my pregnancies, it would have been so difficult without her.  I used to call her when I would iron Rick's dress clothes because I hated it so much and she would laugh that she really enjoyed it.  I still hate to iron, but have great memories of those talks when I do.   She treasured every single person in her family, her children, grandchildren, sisters and brother, nieces and nephews, everyone!  She adored her mother in law and spoke to her daily.  She was very good at making sure everyone knew she loved them.  

I titled this, "For my husband..." because my hope is that he doesn't just dwell on the regrets, but remembers the good times, her amazing qualities, and how much everyone loved her.  I will always make sure to teach the boys about her, they pray about her every night.  She will never be forgotten, and that is for my husband.

Socialite or Introvert?

As I'm putting the second load of laundry in at 9:45pm tonight, I'm imagining all the fun my husband is having on his business trip to Seattle.  Looking back on my evening of putting three kids to bed, applying ointment to the dog's infected ear, paying bills, two loads of laundry, and avoiding piles of toys to trip on in the family room, I turn bitter to the dinner he's having, the jokes he's laughing at, the drinks I wish I had.  At least he got out of all this crap the last few days.  

But then it occurs to me.  

Having stayed home for the last four years, I've become quite hermitlike.  What would I say at a dinner party?  Would I even figure out when I was supposed to laugh?  All day today I have been devising plans on how to cancel my play date party I have scheduled next week simply because I've become so antisocial.  Let's see, menu plan or fake an illness?  Nothing against the mothers invited, I love them all and they have wonderful children!  I have just become so accustomed to my reclusive lifestyle.  After the first day of potty training three little ones today, I keep replaying in my head my explanation of training pants.

"When you have to go peepee, you have to take off your big boy pants and go on the potty.  Do you have to go peepee?"

 No, I will take my shorts, flip flops, and whatever you call this ponytail/bun and sit on my cushioned dining room chair while I write to my "peeps" as you entertain vice presidents and HR directors.  

I will, however, enjoy a glass of wine or three now that the boys are in bed ;)

All That I Do

I recently read something on The Busy Mom Blog that really struck me.

"I do not need to strive to have the perfect family.  I just need to strive to glorify God in all that I do and encourage my children to do the same.  God's grace takes our failures, forgives us, teaches us, and uses them for His purpose and glory."

I just finished lunch and so far my day has consisted of temper tantrums, too many cookies and way too much Facebook!  Do I glorify God in all that I do?   My chore list is long and patience is thin.  This gloomy weather is only making our attitudes poorer.  I need to clean the kitchen before I get dinner in the slow cooker, pick up every single toy we own before I can vacuum and wash the floors, and I'm two days behind on my Bible study.  I woke in a good mood this morning, with a good outlook for my day, but the meltdowns and couch cushions on the floor have worn me down.  I've been avoiding all that I need to do (busy reading blogs) and as I was reading, my conscience whispered to me, "is this what you call glorifying God?"  

No.  No it's not.

It is pushing up my shirtsleeves and doing dishes, making nutritious meals for my family, spending time with them and making them happy.  Tackling my to do list and do this without grumbling.  You glorify the Lord in all the big things, and all the small.  Praising God through the storms, happy or sad.  It is doing your very best in everything you do.  Sometimes you pass, sometimes you fail, but ultimately, it is what is in your heart that glorifies God!

How will you glorify the Lord today?

Consider the Angels

I don't think of angels very much.  I know that people do, it's just a subject that has never peaked my curiosity.  Today, in my devotions, I read the story of Elisha's servant in 2 Kings 6:8-23.  The king of Aram sent his army to capture Elisha because he helped Israel avoid Aram's army.  When Elisha's servant awoke in the morning and saw Aram's army surrounding the city, Elisha prayed for God to open up the servant's eyes to see God's army of angels protecting them.

"And Elisha prayed, 'O Lord, open his eyes so he may see.'  Then the Lord opened the servant's eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha."

 Have you ever considered, as you leave your house for the day, that God has an army of angels surrounding you on your journey?  How does your view of God change knowing he has an army protecting you?  

Dear Lord, thank you for your protection as I sleep, as I wake.  Watch over my family as they start their days and keep them safe always.  Your love is amazing, thank you for showing me this verse and giving me the realization of all that you do for me without me even being aware!  In Jesus name, Amen.

Keep Your Eyes on Jesus

Talking to a sweet friend of mine who is entering her third trimester while trying to get her 19-month old to sleep in her own bed and giving my tips to getting rest at night and throughout the day.  Never did I ever think I would be one to give advice, I came upon this verse:

"We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.  Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame.  Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God's throne."

-Hebrews 12:2

The cross has two sides to everything:  a crucifixion side and a resurrection side.  Jesus had to endure one side to get to the other.  Maybe your trials don't have the magnitude of the burden of the cross, but Jesus knew the joy that was before Him and persevered until the end.  With this in mind, we can look at our own burdens and see there will be an end, we will persevere!  Keep your eyes on Jesus, remind yourself of the resurrection that came about through the suffering he endured.  

What burden can I pray for you today?  He is gracious and will see you through!

Full Hands

As many of you know, we have five kids, the youngest are ages 1, 2 and 3.  My day starts typically at 6am (unless we oversleep), getting hubby's lunch ready, his morning tea, my coffee, and start my devotionals.  This is usually where the babies wake up!  I do four smaller devotionals and read a few chapters of the Bible and save my in depth study for when the babies go to bed at night so that I can concentrate more fully.  Mornings are diapers and toast, feeding the dog, and relaxing (thankfully!)  I split up my chores on different days that I keep written in my planner.  If it's not written down, chances are I won't remember to do it!  I will instant message with my husband during the day, as he has time, send him pictures or videos of the things the kids get into.  I am in a group chat throughout the day with a wonderful group of Christian ladies, there is a lot of laughs, a lot of encouragement and a lot of prayer.  So thankful for them!  There is lunch time and (many, many) snack times, therapies on different days, babysitter for errands occasionally.  Papa is kind enough to make quick runs to the grocery store if I need him to, and he has a great excuse to come and visit with the babies.  They eat dinner early because of their sleep schedule, so I'm making two dinners, they eat before I pick up hubby from the train station and we sit down together after they go to bed at 7 with a lengthy bedtime routine.  Laundry, showers and husband and wife time are reserved for after they go to bed.  

So what is left?  There is my husband's kiss goodbye in the morning, picturing him reading the note on his napkin at lunchtime, baby hugs and kisses, watching them laugh together and run around the house.  Text messages from my older boys who occasionally take time out of their day to say hi.  New words and phrases that the babies come up with daily.  An email or video from a far away friend whom I miss every day.  There are the messages I get from God, reading his word or praying as I wash dishes, always reminding me that I'm serving my family with every mess that I clean up.  For a SAHM who doesn't get to leave the house often, I am always thinking ahead on what I can do in my home to make things easier for them.  My heart is filled with these treasured moments, hoping that they will always remain with me, documenting as much as I can for the future.  As you get down, thinking about how full your hands are, be thankful for what remains in your heart, treasures that could never be bought or replaced!

The scent of memories

Two babies are sleeping, one is resting.  Windows are open for the first time this year and I have lavender oil in the effusion lamp.  It brings to my mind the scent of my mom in the nursing home.  She was 52 and dying from pancreatic cancer.  Her best friend, Carol, had brought her the lamp when she was at my aunt's house on hospice, with the lavender oil, and for the past seven years I haven't been able to bring myself to put any other scent into it. I'd spent an hour, frantically searching for the exact brand, the exact scent that had been my mom's.   

So I sit back with my coffee, feel the breeze, and picture her while I paint her nails, which never grew for her before.  She sits in her hospital bed with low pig tails under her pink checkered blanket that my coworkers bought for her.  She doesn't know what is going on most of the time, but she loves having us all there.   She smiles more than she could ever force herself to before.  We alternate visiting her, my aunt, my dad and I.  I've brought Gary and Benny a few times, but it's getting harder for them to see her like this.  She is not in the kind of pain that she had been the last ten years or so of her life.  Yes, we are thankful for that.  Thankful that she doesn't have the fear of the nursing home like she did when the topic had been brought up.  I almost forgot about pretending to light her cigarettes because she would fall asleep in the middle of smoking.  Almost forgot about finding her in the dining room asleep at the table during a meal.  Sometimes I don't want to remember.  But I have to.  Usually, my husband will light the lamp for me, and I will just smile, "that's my mom's."  

Today is different.  

It's not making me sad, just remember.  Honestly, I think what I'm remembering is the relief I felt when it was over.  I was so thankful for the nine additional months she got than 2-3 weeks she was given when the cancer was found.  Thankful that my work would let me come in late so that I could visit her at my aunt's house every morning.  These aren't my only memories of the end, but the rest are too gross, or too personal or too heartbreaking to share.  But the pain is over, the fear is over.  My babies anticipating her death, just waiting, is over.  Watching her body deteriorate is over.  

I would give anything to have her meet her three newest grandsons, to see how Gary and Benny have grown, meet my husband, to taste my cooking!  But that's not for today.  Today is the relief that her hurt is gone.

Contentment

Every morning we wake up while it is still dark to get my husband ready for work.  Every morning I look forward to opening the curtains and blinds when the sun rises and turning the lights back off.  I am very content with this season of life.  But it hasn't always been this way.  We've been through trials, loss and worry.  I have pages in my journal of my cries to the Lord.  Sometimes I look back, and wonder how I made it.  But if I didn't look to the One who saves, I wouldn't be able to enjoy this time in my life.  My life is not perfect, sometimes I get so frustrated I want to cry, or overwhelmed with housework and babies crying that I can't think straight.  

But then God will give me a reminder like this one.  I have people I love, I have everything I need.  I have Him.  I have a place I can always look to for refuge.  I know the God who saves.  Whenever I feel I'm drowning, He will pull me up and out of my storm.  

I've been challenged to start a gratitude journal, write five things I am grateful for every morning, whether it be family or friends, or even the sunrise.  Today I am most grateful to have God in my life, who I can go to any time of the day with any prayer or petition.  He always listens, always answers our prayers.  What are you most grateful for today?

What I Would Tell My 17 Year Old Self

Dear 17 year old Nicole,

Don't be in such a hurry to figure everything out, and don't try to figure things out on your own.    God has a plan for your life, and if you keep trying to solve every problem yourself you will end up making a mess.  You will have five beautiful, wonderful boys, and if you keep worrying about the future you will miss out on so much with them.  Treasure the time that you have with them, because it goes by too fast.  Enjoy their laughter, wipe their tears, and realize what a blessing each one is.  Don't worry about being alone in your life, don't accept the first man who comes along, it may take awhile but you will find the love of your life, who will cherish you and protect you.  Learn how to truly love and respect your mother, because she won't be around for long.  Make sure she knows she is loved.  Learn all you can at work, but never make it your life.  You will use the skills you learn, but your time is too important to let work dictate your life.  Treasure the friendships you have, share yourself with them, and don't take anyone for granted.  Most importantly, if you don't treat yourself with respect, no one else will either.    

If you were to write yourself a letter as if you go back in the past to when you were 17 what would you say to yourself about what your future holds?

Who Are You?

Do you ever feel embarrassed?  Not of your faith, but what people with think if YOU speak out?  Envisioning people saying, "Who are you to preach on anything?"  You are too young, or too old, too experienced, not experienced enough.  

It's difficult just to write this post, these words are echoing in my head.  

Even Moses felt this way,

"But Moses said to God, 'Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?'" - Exodus 3:11

This is what Paul said:

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." - Galatians 2:20

 What does this mean exactly?  Christ lives in us!  He speaks through us, he gives us the ideas, he gives us the words to say.  While you may be wondering who could possibly be taking you seriously, he is preparing the hearts of others.  You may never know who your words have reached, but we should speak boldly about the things that God has shared with you.  If you feel God laying something on your heart, remember who you are, you are a child of God!

The Little Things

Have you ever had one of those moments when you see something your little one does that just melts your heart?  Something that totally makes them unique?  

I have one of those rare moments when my one year old is the only one awake with me and I just get to sit and watch him eat.  He is dining on peas and carrots, and the first thing he does is pick all the carrots out and eat them first.  It got me thinking about the other boys, what is their "thing"?  

My two year old, Gavin, has to be in charge of throwing everything in the garbage, to the point of asking for snacks to throw in the "zappo".  Aidan is the slowest eater, just like his mommy!  My 15 year old loooves finally being taller than Mom, and has to measure up every time I see him.  My 17 year old just has to have me listen to his new favorite song when we get in the car.  

My husband?  It's a wink.  He doesn't do it often, just out of the blue, he'll say something sweet with a gorgeous smile that makes his eyes light up and nonchalantly gives me a wink.  He still makes my heart flutter!

These are the kinds of things to keep in my journal, because you always think you will remember these things but as the kids grow older, their personalities change, their idiosyncrasies change and get lost.  What are some of the "things" your loved ones have?  

Get Your Exercise On!

I have always been anti-exercise.  Yes, I know our bodies need it, I've just NEVER been in shape.  I was the wallflower in gym class hoping to not have to participate.  Even with our weight loss journey we started in March with Plexus, we changed our diets completely to healthy, homemade foods, but it didn't include exercise.  

We're getting older now, we have aches and pains, we have to watch our blood pressure and cholesterol.  We have our children's futures to think about.  In addition to that, we don't want the babies to prefer sitting around watching TV or playing video games all day, but they will need an example.  

I've come up with a 23-Day Jumping Jack Challenge.  If you have small children, you understand how hard it is to take time away from them, or even have the space to exercise!  I've tried other challenges but working out in another room always ends up with them getting into trouble.  My plan is to do each set twice a day, in the kitchen, where I can still see the babies.  

While some of you may exercise religiously, I know there are plenty who are like me, and just don't make it a priority.  Join our Facebook group, Fight the Tummy, to start the challenge and support each other!

On Our Walk

"'All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.  Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.  And surely I am with you always to the end of the age.'"  -Matthew 28:18-20

Are we doing our part in the Great Commission?  I know I am not.  It's more than sharing inspirational pictures or scripture on Facebook, it's about how you live your life.  What specific talents has God given you to help you live out the Great Commission?  This subject is hard for me to write about because I know, in my thirty-seven years, I have not been actively trying to spread the gospel.  I've ignored those moments He gives you, those perfect opportunities that act as a stepping stone to share your faith.  You know the ones, when an acquaintance gets a little more personal and shares trouble they are having.  Do you tell them how God has gotten you through the hard times?  Do they know by your lifestyle that you answer to a higher calling?

I have had the Titus 2 woman on my mind a lot lately.

"The aged women likewise, that they be in behavior as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God not be blasphemed."  -Titus 2:3-5

I have had faith in Jesus Christ my whole life, have I reached a point in my life yet that I can be a model to younger Christian women?   We know in our hearts how to live our lives in a way that pleases God, but do we listen?  Yet God gives us chance after chance, day after day to start fresh!

"It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.  They are new every morning: great is they faithfulness."  -Lamentations 3:22-23

We can start right now, invite God on our walk today!

It's the little things

Today we are finishing up our second week of homeschooling for preschool. We've tried a lot of new things, created some cute crafts and learned new songs. One thing I've learned in these two weeks is that homeschooling two toddlers who are developmentally delayed is hard.  They don't know what to make of the songs unless there are motions to them, and they can't sit for an entire story.  And finger-painting?  None of us realized how icky it would be to get our hands full of paint.  

Did I mention that Isaac pulls himself up by my ponytail when I'm sitting on the floor?

Our schedule is Mondays, Tuesdays, and Fridays, to fit in with their therapy schedules.  The first week was particularly challenging.  Although I'm using a curriculum, I still need to add fun/educational activities that they can understand, and I didn't want to use their every-day toys.  I was so wiped out and feeling un-creative that we didn't start our second week until Wednesday.  I'm finding it better to do different activities throughout the day according to their moods, so we're not dancing when they feel like resting or listening to a story when they need to move.  They still didn't pay attention to the stories this week, and still walked away in the middle of an activity at times, but you know what?  They learned to say, "read" and sit next to each other on the floor, "color" and run to their high chairs.  I've had to roll it up (patty cake) about a thousand times, but they love it!  Gavin walks up to me signing, "book" to sing "The B-I-B-L-E" all on his own.  They aren't singing and dancing, but they enjoy when I help them do the motions!  

I've subscribed to quite a few homeschooling blogs, which have been very uplifting the past few days.  Today I received my copy of "Daily Focus" by Janet Tatman, a homeschool mom's devotional, and it is awesome, I had a hard time not reading the entire next week!  I will end with today's prayer, which helped me tremendously!

"Lord, forgive my attitude and help me refocus on the call You gave to homeschool.  Teach me again that Your will and Your way is better than any life I can conceive.  I love You and thank You for my family.  In Jesus' name, Amen."

21-Day No-Complaint Challenge

I've been reading, "What's It Like to be Married to Me?" by Linda Dillow, and I have to say, it is really eye-opening!  She has so much insight and helpful advice to change your attitude about your husband and truly concentrate on changing yourself rather than focusing on what is wrong with your him.  I don't think I've ever had so many notes and challenges in any book I've read!

So what is the 21-Day No-Complaint Challenge?  You wear a bracelet, any bracelet, and switch it to the other hand whenever you complain.  Do you think you can live twenty-one days without griping, complaining, murmuring or nagging?  The average person takes 4-8 months to string together twenty-one straight days of no complaining!  

What does this mean for your marriage?  Nagging and complaining show that you do not accept your husband the way he is.  This sends a message to your husband:  "I don't like who you are."  

Maybe you gripe in response to his complaints against you.  Maybe he has legitimate faults that he doesn't recognize without you pointing them out.  Is that how God intended your relationship to be?  Are your criticisms helping to shape his character in a helpful way?  Linda says to give your gripes to God.  In Psalms 142:1-2, David goes right to God and shares his heart.

"I cry out loudly to God, loudly I plead with God for mercy.  I spill out all my complaints before Him, and spell out my troubles in detail."

God listens, he wants to hear what is troubling your heart.  The answers may not be easy, your husband maybe strong-willed and stubborn, but you need to change your attitude to that of gratitude, even on the sore-subjects.   You need to change yourself.

Want to join in the 21-Day No-Complaint Challenge?  I dare you to change your heart!

Do you ask?

I have really been enjoying my quiet time with God each morning.  Sometimes it is rushed when I can hear the babies playing in their cribs, but I get to read my devotionals and pray, confident that God knows what is on my mind.  

I don't know about you, but I have a hard time asking God for the desires of my heart, it makes me feel selfish.  Do I want my husband to get a raise?  Do I want to be successful with Plexus?  Yes.  But those are my wants.  Of course I am tempted to make deal with God, "Hey, I promise to raise my donation into the pot if we can make more money," but is that why I want us to be successful?  Partially.  That new purse would make a nice anniversary present.  More than that, cleaning up our credit and starting our savings is high priority.  So is it ok to ask then?

The Bible says yes.

God knows the desires of my heart, whether I ask Him for them or not!  Is it right to have these desires and not bother asking God?  He knows what you want, what you need, why aren't we sharing our feelings with Him?  We share these things with our husbands or girlfriends, how much more intimate is our relationship with God?  By sharing these things with God, my eyes have been opened as to how important our financial responsibility is.  

What are the desires of your heart that you need to share with God?

Keeping It Alive

My husband works on a computer all day (and let's face it, so do I).  Often times I see posts on Facebook that are inspirational, scripture-based, "I love you" pictures, "You're the best daddy" type things.  I like to share these with my husband but I don't want to flood his wall, or sometimes they are too personal.  We have a secret Facebook group just for the two of us to post only inspiring messages, photos or prayers for each other.  We will both share throughout the day and it gives us more to talk about at dinnertime without having to try to remember all the posts we've seen on our walls.  It may sound silly, but this has greatly helped our marriage!  Not only does it let each of us know that the other is thinking about us, but it is a great fight-stopper.  Nothing is more humbling than being in the middle of an argument and one of us will post a reminder of what is important.

Keeping things spicy is important, but it is also important to let each other know how much we mean to each other.  How do you let your significant other know you are thinking of them?